i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
