In the future we'll all be gay
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
