Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have post one night stand depression
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
