2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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