and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
