Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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