I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
