My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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