Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
