ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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