capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
