That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
