Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
