dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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