just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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