He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
