The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
bring money and cleavage
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
