She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
