You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
