So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
