U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
