Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
