I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
