They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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