he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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