remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
