omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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