So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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