well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
