It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
