I faked an abortion last night.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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