I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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