They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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