Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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