if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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