the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
