He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
