dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
