Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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