Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
