He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
