Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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