remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
