the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I cut my penus on the lid.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
