Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
