Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
