Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
