Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
there is puke in my bra ... again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
