I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
im holly from the hills drunk
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
