respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
