That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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