I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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