sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
did i just pee glitter
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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