i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
These tits shall not be calmed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
