Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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