there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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