Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
