if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize