I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
