we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
