well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
