the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Bring me that man meat
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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