He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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