Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
