I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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