I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
