It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
