I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i think i just lost a toe
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
