just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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