I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
