Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize