I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
