You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize