Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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