Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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