I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
